Atreyu

Ahhhh Atreyu…where to begin? Hmm oh I know:

Atreyu

Atreyu

Just look at these faggots. Christ. Especially that one in the middle, the drummer/clean singer. That dudes probably the ugliest mother fucker I’ve ever seen. This is on top of being a shitty drummer and an awful singer. Man this guy just can’t catch a break. And look at the midget behind him. And the douchebag to his right, with the faggy blonde hair. And the guy all the way on the left there looks like he’s about to drop a deuce in his pants. Ah hell, they all look like assholes, there’s not one in particular I can rag on.

Anyway, enough of that. Lets get to the real meat of this shall we? The music. Oh god the music. These guys are as formulaic as you can get. And it’s not even a hard formula either. It’s a simple one, like pre algebra or something. Lets break it down, shall we?

  1. “Heavy” verse
  2. Sung chorus
  3. “Heavy” verse
  4. Sung chorus
  5. “Heavy” verse
  6. Breakdown
  7. Sung chorus

And that’s it folks, you have an Atreyu song. Rinse and repeat 12-15 times, and you’ve got yourself a huge metalcore hit album!

Don’t worry, I’m not going to stop there. In addition to their formulaic schlock, they have the nerve to play poorly too. I can make more complex music farting on a microphone. The riffs they write are so boring and mundane it’s offensive. But not nearly as offensive as the drumming. Maybe if he weren’t trying to slaughter cats, excuse me I mean sing, at the same time he was drumming he would suck less. I don’t know, but I’ve gotta say it’s really unlikely.

While we’re on the topic of vocals, what the hell is up with their lyrics? For those of you not in the know:

Look how pretty she is when she falls down
Now there is no beauty in bleeding mascara
Lip are quivering like a withering rose
She’s back again

:what: What does this shit even mean? Why is this chick pretty when she’s falling down? How does a withering rose quiver? Why is this bitch back? I HAVE NO IDEA AND NEITHER DO YOU. But damn do the chicks eat this shit up. And so do guys for that matter. They don’t have a single song that’s not about some faggy faux-angsty goth shit. Here have some more:

Will you still hold me when you see what I have done?
Will you still kiss me the same when you taste my victim’s blood?
So crimson and red, I feel it flowing from your lips

Yeah. I’m sure you’ve killed plenty of people, tough guy. The blood just flows from your hands like some kind of modern day Dahmer. It’s all like this, there is nothing redeemable to anything Atreyu have ever done. And I’ll go ahead and say they never will do anything anyone should ever listen to. But of course people with tin ears and no taste at all will continue to listen to, and eat this shit up like candy. Too bad it’s candy coated poop.

Poop jokes. :hehe:

I’ve seen these jerks live a couple of times, not by choice mind, but I have seen them. They’re even worse live. Especially when all their shitty fans show up and crowd up to the front to see “OMG ATREYU WE LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE YOU.” Listen, you’re 14, that dude’s not going to jail for you. Or maybe he would. I dunno, he does look kind of creepy. Maybe he would fuck you’re 14 year old ass. The world may never know. Hopefully he gets hit by a bus before we inevitably find out, though.

I do have one good thing to say about Atreyu, however. At least they aren’t Avenged Sevenfold.

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